When you are a parent with little ones, you just never really know what is going to fly out of your mouth. Taken out of context, simple phrases become totally absurd. These are the same ones you could never actually picture the need to say, especially in polite company. So, for the amusement of all, I’ve decided to compile a short list of 4 things I never thought I’d say. These absurd sentences are routinely heard at my house.
“Did you just eat a marker?”
Yep. I’ve said this particular one on multiple occasions and even have evidence. One wouldn’t think that you would actually have to ask this question. I hate to state the obvious, but markers aren’t food. This clearly should be a news bulletin on Fox News because apparently it isn’t common knowledge.
“Don’t you dare put that in your nose.”
Classic. I’m sure you’ve guessed it. Every child has tried to answer the age old question, “What can I fit up my nose?” The answer…pretty much anything: Legos, crayons, paper clips, puzzle pieces, ANYTHING.
“Please, stop licking the dog.”
Nope, you didn’t read that wrong. I didn’t ask for the dog to stop licking. I’ve had to ask the child, well many children, to stop licking the dog. I know, ewww. Poor Lucie.
“Is that poop or just dirt?”
This one really should speak for itself but I will explain anyway…You know you have hit an all time low when the following occurs:
1. There is an actual need to distinguish between poop and dirt.
2. When you actually have difficulty distinguishing between poop and dirt.
3. When your child is eating it and you actually feel relief when you realize that it is just dirt. Again, ewww.
So, please tell…what have you found yourself saying that you never thought you would?